O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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