If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
