shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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