I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
