i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That accounts for only three of the penises
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
