i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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