literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
