She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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