I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
