We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
