I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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