Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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