the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
