Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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