RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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