I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
