Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
