just tell him i said nine months
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
