and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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