Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
