I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
two words...techno handjob
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
