I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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