I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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