They should really pass out barf bags in church
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
