and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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