Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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