$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
