The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He shit in the fireplace
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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