My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
