oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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