how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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