It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
