What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
