Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
