Your face is a jimmy john
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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