Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
