i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
