More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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