an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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