Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
