I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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