I look better un-naked...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
