I cannot find my penis.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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