Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
