dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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