I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
