I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
