Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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