I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
