You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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