btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
