I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
