How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
