it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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