The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
