i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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