..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me