i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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