he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
