apparently the secret to your success is patron
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
