Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
