all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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