I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
