i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
