honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
