i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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