There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
