So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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