just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
