She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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