There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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