I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
