The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
