why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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