I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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