I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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