I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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